The new year has started and I didn't do a big end of the year blog post... so I'm just gonna blog about it two days later. Talk about procrastination. Here are some things I have learned, some dumb things I said yes to but should have said no to and just some awesome things that I have done in 2011. I should warn you that some memories slash learning moments involve disturbing details. With that out of the way, please proceed.

 

Being on your own isn't always bad
Let's start off on a serious note. Being alone can be kind of neat sometimes! But don't be surprised that you may end up completely isolating yourself. This also involves drinking alone at some occasions. WHICH IS OKAY, I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM. At the start of 2011 I moved to a different country on my own and had to start a new life on my own. This is not entirely true because before I even got on a plane I already had a job in the said country I moved to and I already had friends there... but still. I was on my own, and it was pretty cool for most of the time.

Do not get drunk on gin
Read that again and just trust me. It's okay to drink beers all night and change it up with some gin, but starting with gin will only lead to more gin which will only lead to bad things. In 2011 I have had two heavy gin nights where I started the evening drinking gin and somehow I ended up being really attracted to dark-skin-coloured guys. This is a lot weirder than it must sound to you if you don't know me, but just to clarify; my sober attraction level is comparable to Hitler's attraction level. No offence, black guys that thought I liked you, but really I didn't.

Life moves on
And so does your friend-circle. It's normal for people to get off your friendship train and for others to get on. Sometimes you need to force someone off and talk someone into getting on (using money and alcohol and things like that, but I don't recommend this if you're looking for real friendships that go further than just getting drunk together although this is great too). It's also not a problem for people to only buy train tickets on the weekends, or one day a month - if you are both happy with having a friendship that's not as strong as it once was, don't do anything about their ticket purchase! This was full of great metaphors... I hope I taught you something.

Sometimes the real world is much better than the online world
This coming from me must really mean something... but it doesn't. Purely for the fact that you actually need to go outside and get drunk for pictures to wind up on facebook so you can continue spending days on the internet. It's the circle of the internet- I believe Elton John wrote a weird spin off of this song a while back...

Everyone has secrets
Some are huge and others are not worth mentioning, but having two different lives is not acceptable. If you are pretending to be one person and then go home and be another, there is something wrong with you and I suggest you go and live in a jungle for a while which I've heard is a bit like therapy. You can tell the snakes all about your problems. Pause for effect. At least they will listen.

Shoreditch has the most amazing hotdog stand I have ever encountered
I was drunk and hungry and I didn't know which way was home, so I started walking in a direction which I swore was the right one (turned out it wasn't) and came across this hotdog stand that was closing up, but we are three girls and we have vaginas so the hotdog man sold us hotdogs for two quid each and was throwing on all sorts of weird things and sauces and oh my God mouth orgasm. A couple weeks later I tried to locate it but I had no clue where I was when I found it in the first place, so sober hotdog mission failed :(

Do not tell your friends about your embarrassing sex dreams
I am not talking about the ones you have with your favourite celebrities. You can tell the world (and specifically the internet) about those kinds. I mean, never speak about the ones you have about random people you know. Especially if they're the ex-boyfriends of other people. I only did this once and I am still made fun of. My friends are the best.

Boys are disgusting
I have learned that the guy-friends you have right at this moment are only your friends with you because they want to masturbate thinking about you and need new visual support on a daily basis.... Yeah. Soak it in. Personally, I don't really mind, as long as they wait until I go home and don't excuse themselves extra toilet breaks when I'm over for dinner.

Mothers don't really want their children to move out
My entire life I've been hearing the same question. When are you going to move out? Except in Dutch, not in English. Well, sometimes English because Mum feels intelligent when she speaks in another language, even if it sounds like she's producing word-vomit and only Dutch people can actually hear what she's trying to say. But now that I've actually signed a contract and am forever moving out of my house (fingers crossed u guyz) she's doing just about everything to keep me in. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Also, great tip; fathers don't mind you raiding the fridge and bringing all your family's food back to your new place for your own enjoyment later that night when you're watching bad films. Another great tip; mothers do.

People are people
And I mean this in the sense of, everyone's only human. Just because you think more of someone, doesn't mean they actually ARE better/greater/smarter than you are. They probably just know how to pretend they are and trick you into thinking that they are amazing and you are not. Wrong. And before you start to think that these people are bad people- No. This works the other way around aswell. When you see someone that you may think of as a loser or someone who you think is ugly - STOP IT IMMEDIATELY. What if they're really great at cooking and can give you tips on your dinner? Remember, love goes through the stomach, no matter what your gender is.

These are just a couple of things on the top of my head, I'm sure I'll come up with lots more that make me go "Ohhh, I should have blogged about that instead of telling everyone I had a sex dream about the exboyfriend of a friend of mine!" but it'll be too late. Life is shit sometimes. Another wise lesson. Leave me comments on what you have learned in 2011 and share your wisdom with me and my readers!

Labels: fuck you gin